Shattered Memories
by Screamofthebutterfly24
Summary: COMPLETE! “I remember that night, that cold night in the Atlantic, the night hundreds of people’s lives would come to an abrupt end. The night they’d meet their watery grave…”
1. We're Going to America!

"_I remember that night, that cold night in the Atlantic, the night hundreds of people's lives would come to an abrupt end. The night they'd meet their watery grave…"_

Southampton, England April 10, 1912

There was a soft gentle wind and the air smelled of the sea, salty but sweet, the kind of smell that is the most hardest to describe. People were everywhere, people in magnificent clothes who talked so importantly it just made you wonder if they were kings, queens, or another type of ruler. The Titanic loomed ahead of us, through the soft mist like something out of a dream, as my family took our first step onto those crowded paved streets.

"Papa is that it? Is it Papa is it?" my little sister Ruthie asked, her soft brown curls bouncing in excitement. She was only seven and was as inquisitive as they come. "Yes Ruthie that's it." said my father, William Becker laughing at Ruthie's face which had cracked into a wide smile, dimples and all. "So that's it! The Titanic! My Papa it's really as big as the pictures!" "That it is, Ruthie that it is" Ruthie skipped ahead on the cobblestone path, humming the tune of one of her silly made up songs. Don't get me wrong I loved my sister dearly, she was me and my father's whole world, it seemed that every day we'd wake up and continue with our chores just so we could see her face beam. She had many traits I admired, but mostly, I figured it was my little sister's courage that melted my heart. Ever since we had left our peaceful farm life in Ireland, America and the Titanic were the only to things that occupied her mind. Being 13 I wasn't as indulgent in answering all Ruthie's questions, but still the twinkle in her eye and the dimpled grin that she gave every time I did was payment enough. "Look Eva look!" said Ruthie slipping her hand in mine, "Do you think that it's really unsinkable like they say?" I gave her hand I light squeeze, "I betcha it is Ruthie."

We continued up the street, watching as the great ship came closer into view. As we approached the gang way, an officer was directing us third class passengers to get in line to be checked for diseases. Father had explained to me that they did this to ensure that no diseases were being carried on the ship, (I wondered why they didn't do this to the other first and second class passengers, but when I asked father he replied saying that it was just the way the world worked with the richer people on top and the poorer people on the bottom.) Thankfully we passed the inspection and proceeded up the plank and into Titanic.

The mazes of halls and corridors that met us were astounding. We found a map and tried as quickly as we could to find our staterooms for the Scottish couple behind us were shoving us forward. After some difficulty we found our room on A deck towards the front of the ship. Father put our bags down, as Ruthie and I ran into the room for a closer look. Ruthie's eyes were as large as apples, and her cheeks rosy red, for they were flushed from excitement. The room was small, but clean with two bunks and a wash bin right in the middle. "Wow," exclaimed Ruthie in awe, "It's perfect."

"Father lets go back up to the top deck and see it sail." I said unable to contain my anticipation any longer. "Alright" said father. Ruthie led the way up the stairs and back out onto the sunlit upper decks. People everywhere were waving frantically to the people by on the docks. My father lifted Ruthie up on his shoulders and she started to wave her hands to the crowd. The horn of the Titanic blew to signal that it was getting ready to cast off. Sailors on the land were undoing the ropes that held the ship in place. With one little whoosh the Titanic was released of the docks and out into the open sea. Clinging to my father's shoulders Ruthie yelled, "Goodbye! Goodbye! We're going to America!"


	2. Nightmares and Noises

"_The screams and pleas for help are still plastered in my mind. Every time I close my eyes I see visions of people drowning, begging for aid, before they took their last breath and became succumbed into the deep dark sleep that would forever ensnare them."_

At sea... onboard Titanic April 14, 1912

The Sages were a delightful family, all with soft brown eyes and light brown curls. Their family was large, with 9 children, but some of my best memories on Titanic were with Dorothy (who was 13) and William (who was 11) Sage. Many adventures had pursued us in those blissful days. Once we had swung on the huge baggage cranes on the top deck. Ruthie had argued fervently about going on them, insisting that since she was too young to climb up onto it nobody should have that privilege. The sensation of swinging was delightful, to feel the wind in your face and watch the sea race by. But sadly that sensation was short-lived. We slid down to find that our hands were covered in thick, smelly, oily grease. Ruthie had fell to the ground erupting with giggles.

That night my father had agreed to take us down to one of the lounge parties, something that I had been dying to do since I had first arrived. I had on my earthy brown dress, the one mother gave me before she died. Ruthie looked over at me, her brown tresses neatly tucked behind her ears. I smiled, "How do I look?" I asked jokingly turning in circles. Ruthie looked at me, "Very pretty." She said. I grinned at her, picked her up, and followed my father out the door.

He led us down past the smoking room and into the lounge. A most thrilling sight met us, the room was hazy with all the smoke from the men's cigars. The lighting was dim but very quickly our eyes adjusted. Other passengers were sitting in chairs drinking, smoking, and playing arm-wrestling games. Then my ears heard the music. Intoxicating, loud, and enthralling. My father spied the Sages and quickly gestured them over. Mr. and Mrs. Sage stride over to us, following behind them like ducklings were five of their children, Stella, George, Douglas, Fredrick, and Dorothy. Dorothy smiled at Ruthie and said, "C'mon Ruthie lets go dance." Ruthie obligingly took her hand and they proceed to the raised platform in the middle of the floor. My father and Mr. Sage had engaged in a conversation about Irish agriculture. I lowered my self into a chair, and let the sound of the music wash over me. The drums played a lively tune. _Ta da da dum, ta da da dum. _Soon it felt like the music was part of me, in my very soul. "Eva would you like to dance?" I snapped out of my little trance to find Fredrick Sage holding out his hand to me. I smiled and grasped his hand as he pulled me out of the chair. Fredrick was 16, with sandy blonde hair and eyes like the sea after a storm, blue and grey, and green. His hand was cool against mine as we advanced on to the platform were Dorothy and Ruthie were already dancing. Dorothy shot me a grin and snickered. Fredrick pulled me to him, put his hand on my waist and in an instant we were off! Spinning and laughing as we messed up on the steps to the dance. Ruthie was laughing like a child who had just received her long awaited Christmas gift. Fredrick spun me around one last time as the song ended.

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Ruthie had fallen asleep smiling in my father's arms as we walked along yawning back to our state rooms. I was too tired to speak and as soon as father opened the door. I rushed in and fell on my bunk, to exhausted to even change into my night clothes. Father laughed quietly as he lay Ruthie down on the top bunk. "Goodnight sweethearts, I love you." He mumbled. "Love you to." I whispered yawning. Sinking in to the soft feeling of my mattress and I could still feel Fredrick's arms on my waist. Grinning, I drifted off to sleep.

That night my usually peaceful dreams were filled with horrible nightmares. In the end I just couldn't take it anymore. I sat up in my bunk, clutching my pillow tightly, trying to banish the chilling images from my head.

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An earsplitting roar filled the air of our peaceful room. Father jolted out of bed and opened the door. I had only just gotten back to sleep. Ruthie sat up, and I yelled to his back, "Father where are you going?" A moment of silence than father shouted back into our room, "Eva! Ruthie! Wake up!" I could hear the fright in his voice. He came scampering back into the room a look of panic and alarm on his face. "What's going on?" I asked. My father was never scared, but the look on his face now was one I had never seen before. "Water." He replied. Ruthie looked at him uncertainly. "What?" I asked again. "Water." Throwing the covers off of me, I ran to the door. Something wasn't right, I could hear voices of our neighbors out in the hallway, inquiring what was wrong. It didn't take long to figure it out. There seeping up the stairs was cold, salty, Atlantic sea water.


	3. Not without you

"_1500 people went into the sea that night. Lovers said their last goodbyes, young children froze, and entire families perished, while the people in the life boats gazed upon them in all their agony."_

At Sea... Night of April 14, 1912

"Eva hurry! We don't have time!" my father said sharply. Ruthie was in his arms, her eyes puffy, but alert and I could see the fright in them. "Papa what's going on? Where are we going?" she asked. I glanced at my father, he seemed to be pondering the way to answer her question best. "We're going on an adventure to the deck to see what's the matter with the boat." My father spoke kindly, forcing a smile onto his lips. I knew that it was a lot more serious than my father had just explained to Ruthie. We traveled yet again through the labyrinth of corridors and hallways, trying desperately to find the gates.

As we skidded down a passage, we found ourselves at the end of an extensive line. I recognized the corridor as the one that used to lead to the gateway. "What's going on?" I asked. My father didn't answer right away. Damn! He swore "They locked the gates!" Ruthie had a puzzled look on her face, she didn't understand the rules yet, but I did.

With a look of extreme distaste on my face I realized that hundreds of men, women, and children were now trapped, unable to cross the lines of class distinction.

"What do we do?" I asked, my voice was shaking, hundreds of thoughts were pouring through my mind. What if we didn't get out? Would we all die? What would happen to us? "Follow me." My father growled and he pushed us forward, through the crowd, to the top of the stairs.

Unknown faces swam in front of me. My eyes swept the crowd searching for someone familiar. Lo and behold there the Sages were, pleading with the grouchy looking officer to let them through.

"Go back to the main stairwell" The officer said in a demanding tone. "Please sir, please!" Mr. Sage begged. "Just let my family through!" "Go back around!" The officer yelled. "The ship is bloody sinking!" I recognized Fredrick's voice among the crowd. My face turned pale at these words. Ruthie stood there silently, but a look of terror was starting to spread across her young face. "It's no good." Said Mr. Sage to my father and his wife, "He's not going to let us through." The officer stood tall trying to look like he had the situation under control. "Damn you!" shouted my father lividly. Mr. Sage stood quietly for a moment than rattled the bars and bellowed "For god's sake man! There are woman and children down here! Let them out so they can have a chance!"

The officer stood there weakly as my father stared straight into his watery blue eyes. Never in all my life had I seen my father lose control like that. The power just radiated off of him. Ruthie stood by me, shaking, staring at my father like she had never seen anything like him. "Please." My father whispered,"Please. It seemed like a miracle had just occurred. The officer looked to my father, down to Ruthie and I, then over to Mr. Sage. Slowly he nodded. "Alright!" he barked, "Bring the women and children to the front!"

Mr. Sage had pulled his wife over. "Go Annie, Go" he pleaded. Mrs. Sage looked at him, in her arms was their littlest son. "Not without you." She whispered. Her eyes were full and the tears streamed down. "You have to, for the little ones." Said Mr. Sage his voice to, was breaking. Drawing her to him, he touched her cheek and kissed her right on the lips. Then Mr. Sage turned and started to say goodbye to his children.

My father stared over at the Sages, with a deep sadness in his eyes. "Eva, Ruthie, listen to me, go up and get yourselves into a lifeboat okay?" he said softly. "Papa I don't want to go with out you!" said Ruthie, her usually bright, happy, eyes were brimming with tears. Father swept her up in his arms, into a long hug. "I know baby, I know. I'll be along soon just go with Eva, she'll take care of you." Father set Ruthie down and she wrapped her arms around his neck. I suddenly realized my cheeks were wet. Father drew me into his arms and whispered in my ear, "Take care of Ruthie." I nodded sobbing, closing my eyes, laying my head on his shoulder. "Papa will I ever see you again?" I asked uncertain if I wanted to know the answer. He took my face in his hands, cupping my chin. "Of course you will. I love you both so very much never forget that." He pulled Ruthie in and held us close again. For a moment we stood there wetting each other with the other one's tears. Father turned us around "Now Go." He said strongly, although his voice brimmed with emotion. "Go."

I took Ruthie's little warm hand in mine, and not looking back, I followed Mrs. Sage and six of her nine children up onto the deck.


	4. One boat left

I'm not sure if I did this chapter justice.

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"_Have you ever seen the look on someone's face when they know that they're doomed to die? I saw it that night over and over. Fathers put their daughters into boats while their young sons looked on, acknowledging that they were going to share the same fate as their dads. I saw newly weds crying together knowing that their time was up. I witnessed hundreds of people's deaths, and something like that you don't forget easily." _

At Sea … April 14, 1912

The stars in the midnight black sky stuck out like tiny flecks of gold. There were millions, many more than you could have ever of seen on the clearest of nights. The sea was calm and the air frigid. Ruthie started shivering, her rosy cheeks turned pale, and her delicate lips purple. I warmed Ruthie's small frozen hand in mine, as I tried to keep warm myself.

The decks of the third class promenade were covered with shockingly white ice. "That's strange." I thought, wondering how it could have possibly gotten there. I strained my eyes to try to see what was out behind us in the murky dark. A large mass was floating dauntingly in the freezing water. Then the awful truth dawned. We had hit something. And that "something" was an iceberg.

I shifted over so I blocked the immense iceberg from Ruthie's view. She didn't need to see it, not after what had happened in the gates to father. _Father. _Tears came tumbling down my cheeks just at the thought of leaving him and four of the Sages behind. It felt like I had left part of me trapped on the other side of those cruel iron bars.

Ruthie tugged on my sleeve. "What's a matter Eva? Are you worried about Papa?" her little voice was full of concern. Unable to speak I nodded. I regretted every little fight I ever had with him, every time I yelled, every time I didn't obey. "It's okay Eva, we're going to see him again don't worry." She whispered, "It's okay." I looked down at the little person next to me. This wasn't the Ruthie that I had started the journey with, she was different. My sister was stronger than I was.

"Come on children we have to find a life boat." Mrs. Sage sounded like she had a bad head cold. My heart filled with pity, she had left three children and her husband behind.

She led us down weaving through other couples, other families, other lovers saying goodbye. I listen vaguely to their last conversations, words swimming in and out of my ears. "It's goodbye for a little while, only for a little while. This boat is for the mummies and children, but my boat will be along soon. Be a good girl and hold mummy's hand alright?" One father said soothingly to his child. Couples everywhere were kissing, clinging to each other, not wanting to let go.

We were on the second class decks now, (the captain had ordered the gates separating the classes to be opened.) My footing felt strange. I looked down to realize that the bow was slanting dangerously, and very soon it seemed, water would be sloshing over. Mrs. Sage was panicking, her littlest son bawling in her arms. Dorothy, Willy, Ruthie and I clutched each other, determined to stay warm in the cold night air as we continued our long journey to find safety.

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It happened in a blink of an eye. Terror swept up and down the deck, as the last life boat was launched. The **last** one.

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Dorothy fell to pieces, and sitting down on the deck she let the tears drip down her nose. The sounds of people screaming echoed in our ears. Bodies were everywhere, running down the decks, searching in vain for just one boat. Ruthie had an alarmed look in her eyes. "What's going on?" she yelled over the crowd. I didn't want to say, it seemed that if I did it would be final, forever, no going back. To say it would confirm our doom. I picked Ruthie up so I wouldn't lose her in the swarming crowd, and she lay her head down on my shoulder, grasping her hands over her ears. I swung around expecting to see Mrs. Sage and her children at our sides. Dread filled my already queasy stomach,

Mrs. Sage was no where in sight.


	5. We're gonna live alright?

At Sea…Night of April 14, 1912

"Don't panic, It's going to be alright just don't panic." I assured myself. Ruthie stood by me her face pale from the bitter cold, confused. They had to be here somewhere, anywhere, Mrs. Sage just wouldn't leave us like that. "Dorothy? Mrs. Sage? ANYONE?" I screamed and felt my voice split. It was no use. Nothing could be heard over the screeching voices of the other doomed passengers. Ruthie was clutching my waist, and it seemed like she had finally comprehended what happened. Bodies were everywhere, running from an unknown threat, screaming bloody murder. "Please god no! Don't let them have left us! Please!" I muttered a heartfelt prayer, wondering if God was really listening. The cold ate at me until soon my bones were chilled. I suddenly realized that as much as I hoped and prayed, the Sages weren't coming back.

"C'mon Ruthie, we have to get in a boat." I said, tugging on her frozen fingers. "Eva I thought there was none left." She said lightly, as if trying not to make a big deal out of the situation, but fear had crept into her into her usually warm eyes. "No Ruthie, we'll find one, it's ok don't worry." I lied to her and myself, wondering if we were going to live through the night.

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The wooden decks of the ship were slanting even more, and water was slopping over the bow. We only had a few minutes left. I pulled Ruthie to the railing of the ship and looked over. Lifeboat were rowing slowly away from the catastrophe, soon they would be out of our reach. My mind debated for a moment and then I realized that there was only one thing we could do. I kneeled down and tightened Ruthie's lifebelt. "We're going to go on another adventure ok?" I said into her ear. Ruthie looked up at me and nodded, her lank curls shaking slightly. I drew her close into an embrace and she put her skinny arms around my neck. "We're gonna live alright?" I told her. She had started to sob into my shoulders and I held her tighter. "It's ok." I said, "It's going to be ok." In that moment everything around us faded, all our troubles, all our hopes, all our worries. It was just Ruthie and I clinging to each other for dear life. We parted and I wiped Ruthie's tear stained face. She smiled slightly and took my hand. Together we walked closer to the inclining bow, stood up on the railing, and jumped overboard.


	6. I'm with you

At Sea…Night of April 14, 1912

I felt my stomach flop over, and I braced for the impact. Ruthie was gripping my hand with her eyes closed. Then it happened. With an immense crash we broke into the water's face. All that met me was cold, stabbing like knives every single place in my body. It was overwhelming, my feet and fingers soon became numb and I quickly was unable to feel my toes. Ruthie's hand was torn from my grasp and for a moment I was under water, utterly alone. My head broke the surface and I came up coughing and spluttering, gasping for air. The familiar screaming sound of the passengers met my ears again, and my eyes darted across the other swimming bodies. "Ruthie!" I screamed, "Ruthie! Where are you?" A minute later a head shattered the surface of the Atlantic. "Eva!" yelled the voice, "Eva!" I started to swim to the small body. "Ruthie!" I answered. "I'm over here!" Ruthie turned and started to paddle over to me. "Are you alright?" I asked her yelling over the other voices. "Y-y-yes." She said. Her whole body was shaking wildly. "Ruthie I need you to swim alright?" I bellowed. She looked at me and shook her head. "I ca-can't, it's t-to cold." Ruthie teeth chattered madly. "You have to Ruthie!" I seized her icy hands and pulled her, treading in the water, towards the far away lifeboats.

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Ruthie was shaking uncontrollably, and my wet hair was frozen on my head. "Just a bit farther." I moaned, out of breath. Ruthie's breathing had become ragged and I watched the cloud of frost that formed every time she exhaled. I couldn't feel my hands and with every kick my legs screamed in protest. The lifeboats were so close now I could see the expressions on the people's faces. I gathered all my energy and yelled, "Please help us! Please!" I pleaded. The officer rowing the boat turned around and we made eye contact. "Please." I cried. Ruthie was paddling next to me, her lips purple and face pale. The officer looked at the passengers in the boat, they had just noticed us, the small and quivering bodies that floated a few feet away. One of the women in the boat yelled, "What are you waiting for? Go get them!" The officer reluctantly turned the boat around, and started rowing towards us. Just then I started to cry, though the tears seem to freeze on my face. We were going to live.

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Ruthie and I were fished out of the water by many helping hands, and still shuddering, we took our seats. "Here dear take this." I recognized the voice of the lady who had yelled for the officer to go back. She handed us a large fur coat. "Thank you." I said and wrapped it around Ruthie who was shivering irrepressibly. Then I turned and watched in horror. The ship was tilting so much that it almost stood vertical.

"Papa." Ruthie cried, tears sliding down her shaking cheeks. Passengers were dumped into the water, shrieking so loud now that my ears hurt. The moment had finally come, an earsplitting cracking sound filled the air. The Titanic's s stern had been ripped from the bow, and for a moment it stood bobbing like a cork. Everyone in our lifeboat was silent in awe. Then slowly it slipped, down faster and faster until it disappeared into the freezing Atlantic. Ruthie laid her head down on my shoulder, "Eva?" she whispered. I looked down at her. Her eyes, the deep wells of love and hope that I had been accustomed to, were shadowed. "Ruthie don't be scared, it's going to be ok, we made it." I told her softly, trying to drown the cries of the passengers out of my mind. "I'm not scared." She said. "I'm with you."

I hugged her close to me trying to warm her shivering body. "I love you." I said softly into her ear. Ruthie looked up at me, "I love you to." Her voice said faintly. Ruthie's breathing had become more shallow and I became a little concerned. "Lay your head down and try to get some sleep." I said gently. She put her head in my lap and closed her tired eyes.

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The pleas of the dying individuals were becoming less and less. All of us just sat in the life boat, trying to comfort each other's grief. I sat, trying more than anything not to think of the events of the night. Somehow I had convinced myself that everything would be ok, and would go back to the way it was before. Deep down though, I knew that it never could.

Ruthie, by then, had stopped shivering. I looked down at her expecting her to be sleeping soundly in my lap. My heart stopped beating as I saw there was no little cloud of breath forming in front of her face. "Ruthie?" I asked, turning her over. She didn't stir at all. "Ruthie! Wake up!" I yelled, shaking her. Her head just lolled from side to side. My eyes became blurry as I screamed again, "Wake up Ruthie!" A peaceful expression was fixed on my sister's white face. "NO!" I screamed, "No! Ruthie don't do this to me! Don't leave me!" A lady next to me, touched my shoulder and said in a miserable voice, "There's nothing left you can do, she's gone." "NO SHE'S NOT!" I yelled even louder. Everyone in the boat was staring at me now but I didn't care. My sister wasn't dead. I shook her again, "RUTHIE!" my voice cracked and I was blinded by the salty tears that had flooded my cheeks. "SHE IS NOT DEAD! SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME!" I cried harder, rocking back and forth. "She's gone." whispered the lady next to me. I couldn't speak, I just sat there wailing, cradling my sister's frozen dead body.


	7. Aftermath

_April 15, 1962_

_It has been 50 years to the day since I lost every thing that I loved. My sister and my father died that night, and even as I look back, the memories of the days that followed the sinking are scattered and broken. I can still see my sister's smiling face, and feel my father's loving touch. I never really realized what I had, until it was taken away from me._

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(Just thought I'd add this, The Sage was a real life 3rd class family, they had 9 children ages ranging between 4 and 20. Sadly all of the Sage family died the night of the sinking.)


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